I met Laurie on May 17th, 1997. I always remember the date. It truly was the beginning of the rest of my life. From that weekend on, Laurie and I would spend nearly every weekend traveling the Thruway going to one party after another and seeing each other all weekend until she moved here on December 28, 1997. Laurie would always say to me “who is the woman in this relationship?” because I remember dates, times and many of the details of the “firsts” of our relationship. We were married on June 9th, 2000. On our first wedding anniversary, I had flowers sent to her at her job at Taconic Technology. She told her co-workers Therese. Sarah and Kelly how nice it was to get flowers at work and wondered what I had done wrong that I thought it necessary to have flowers sent to her at work. It was her co-workers that reminded her it was her 1st wedding anniversary!!!! Perhaps the dates and milestones stick with me because this was my first marriage and Laurie’s second. She’d been married for 13 years the first time. Maybe the “newness” of dates and milestones were different for her because of her experience. I was determined to show her dates and milestones were important and worth remembering and what a marriage could be. Boy was I naïve! 🙂
Our first meeting was at LeMoyne Manor where I had rented a room for the night to be in town for the Syracuse AOL party. What???? You didn’t know Laurie and I met on AOL??? That’s a story for another post. She came to my room and knocked on the door. 25 minutes later than the time we had agreed on. That should have been my first clue that there was “real-time” and “Laurie time”. As the minutes ticked by, I was sure she changed her mind about meeting MighteQ from “near Albany” and decided not to come. The knock on the door startled me actually. When I opened the door, there she stood in black jeans, black boots, a blue top and her blue denim jacket holding a gift bag. I remember her lip gloss, blue eye shadow and lashes thick with black mascara. She was even more beautiful than I had expected. We greeted each other and had a brief hug. She gave me the gift bag containing things we had talked about during the week before we met. The thing I was most excited about were the “pop rocks” in the bag. Now don’t get your hopes up about why I was excited about that. That story is not fit for this blog 😉
After some time talking, we decided to head over to the club where the party was at. It felt so comfortable being with her. We had talked for 6 or 7 months online and I was surprised how “ not awkward” our first meeting was. We met up with mutual friends and her best friend that I only knew by her screen name Busty Beffie. As we stood at the bar ordering shots of Aftershock I asked Laurie what she wanted to drink. Labatt’s Blue she said. I ordered an Alabama Slammer. That should have been another clue about what the roles were going to be in this relationship. Every time we went out and ordered drinks, the bartender would always give me the beer and Laurie “the sweet drink”. As we stood at the bar talking with each other and friends, I told her I loved her blue top. That’s when I learned there was a difference between “blue” and “periwinkle”. That should have been another clue how this relationship was going to go. I was “schooled” about the difference between blue and periwinkle. That conversation would follow us for the rest of our relationship. I’d say I liked the purple sheets she bought. She’d say “it’s not purple, it’s grape”. Green towels were “aqua marine”. Red washcloths were “wine”. These would prove to be valuable lessons about lipstick and nail polish colors later in our relationship. I LOVED that periwinkle top. She’d wear it most weekends when we went out. I think I loved it more than she did.
We had a great night getting to know each other. More shots and more drinks led to “tonsil hockey” standing at the bar. Beffie pulled her aside and asked if she knew what she was doing. Laurie told her it was fine! We acted as if we were the only 2 people in the club that night. I’d look at her across the room while mingling with friends and we’d always lock eyes realizing we were always looking for each other in the crowded room. But we’d just met. How was it possible to have that connection already? I can’t explain it, it just WAS. That would eventually become a way for us to ground each other in our relationship and know that no matter where we were or who we were with we’d always have each other at the end of the day. Whether it was dinner with friends, a fundraising event or family gathering, we’d always lock eyes on each other across the room and just knew. We felt it. Always.
We closed the club down that night, as we did most weekends. The lights would come up, the music would stop, we’d say goodbye to friends, except the ones we knew we’d end up at Denny’s with for the 3am after party breakfast and then leave with each other. We made our way back to my motel room and talked until we were both exhausted. She fell asleep on the bed. I made myself comfortable on the floor with a pillow and blanket. She had to be on her way back home soon because the boys would both be up soon and she wanted to be home when they got back up with her mom. I woke her up at the agreed upon time. I walked her to her car in the parking lot as the sun was coming up. We kissed goodbye and I watched her drive out of the parking lot. I knew that night my life would never be the same. She’d later tell me how much that night meant to her and how impressed she was that I’d slept on the floor and gave her the bed; that there were no expectations of anything even though she’d brought the “pop rocks” we’d talked about for weeks before meeting. No! I’m still not going to tell you THAT story. LOL.
That night is etched in my memory where it will forever stay now. I’ll never forget my lesson on the difference between a “blue” top and a “periwinkle” top. I recently checked her closet for that top. I can’t find it. I’ll keep looking. But not finding it won’t take away the memory of opening up the motel door that night and seeing my Crazy Dem standing on the other side for the first time.
Grief After Loss 